Therapy for…
People-Pleasing & Perfectionism in
High Achieving Women
In order to be a “good person,” the needs of others have always come before your own.
As far back as you can remember, you’ve always been the one to solve the problem; the one your family members could rely on the most to be “the responsible one,” even when you just wanted to be a kid. “Family comes first,” they would say, except you were treated like your wants and needs were unimportant. Family fights were to be avoided, and the easiest way to do that was probably by catering to everyone else’s needs instead. That way, everyone stays comfortable and calm.
Now, you’re not only good at solving problems, you excel at it. You’ve probably made a career out of being a problem solver and it’s served you well. You’re proud of what you’ve built. But, there’s still something inside of you telling you it’s not good enough, that you cannot rest until you meet “Perfection.”
This kind of suffering has become your normal; in fact, it’s so normal you don’t even recognize it as suffering anymore. On the outside, you seem calm, cool, and collected. But inside, you’re exhausted by taking care of everything for everyone else, and you numb yourself to it in order to get through the day.
I want to help you figure out what your needs are, and help you feel ok putting them first for a change.
If you’re here, then you might be…
→ Stuck in a loop of saying yes when you want to say no, and don’t know how to get out.
→ Avoiding some tough conversations right now, worried about upsetting the other person.
→ Overthinking interactions, worrying about how you came across.
→ Often beating yourself up on the inside and feeling like a f*ck up anytime you make a mistake.
Here’s What We Can Do Together
You can’t pour from an empty cup, and perfection is an unattainable goal.
If we’re always shrinking ourselves to make room others, then we end up building resentment.
When we pour from an empty cup, we no longer have anything to give to ourselves, let alone the people we love. My clients have a tendency to do so much for other people that they find themselves without the energy to take care of themselves. Usually, it’s you that others are asking for help, and now it’s time to take a leap of faith and ask for help for yourself.
Having boundaries with people is easier said than done, I get that. Learning to build boundaries in therapy is like learning to build a well-crafted fence. And when our fence gets pushed over, we build a stronger one.
Change is an uncomfortable experience, and learning to stop pleasing others and prioritize yourself is a challenging experience. In therapy, you can learn to let go of the need to take care of others, trust your decisions, and tolerate the discomfort that comes with having to say no to someone so that you can take care of yourself. People may have reactions to you not doing what they want, but you can learn to tolerate those reactions too.
Boundaries with friends, family, and coworkers do not have to be something that require you to compromise who you are. You can be generous and kind-hearted while still having appropriate boundaries in your life that other people respect.
Therapy can
help you…
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We work on understanding where the guilt is coming from and do active work that helps you really know that you have nothing to feel guilty about, as much as others might try to make you feel guilty.
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You can begin to trust your judgment and stand by it, instead of constantly second-guessing yourself.
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A big part of this work is reconnecting with what you actually want—and learning how to express it without overexplaining or shrinking. This way, you can communicate your needs with others more effectively, so that your relationships don’t feel like you’re “faking it” anymore.
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Sometimes being some version of “perfect:” perfect looks, grades, athletics, etc…is what got us attention and approval when we were young. But trying to attain that all the time is like running a marathon at a constant sprint, and we’re here to help you release that pressure.
Take up space in your life.
“Pen or sword - the shield is mightiest.”